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Navigating the Storm: Teaching Our Kids Distress Tolerance Skills

Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Your DBT Parenting Guide /30 Day Parenting Challenge/Navigating the Storm: Teaching Our Kids Distress Tolerance Skills

Navigating the Storm: Teaching Our Kids Distress Tolerance Skills

Hey parents! Let's dive into a topic that I've found to be super helpful when managing the everyday challenges we all face as caregivers: distress tolerance. I don't know about you, but as a parent, I sometimes feel like I'm constantly navigating a turbulent sea of emotions, responsibilities, and unexpected challenges. Everything is sailing smoothly one minute, and the next, it's a full-blown storm.

So, how do we keep our heads above water when the waves get rough? Let me share some insights on distress tolerance, a concept rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). At its core, DBT teaches us that mindfulness – understanding what's going on inside our heads and hearts – is key. You can't tackle the big stuff unless you're in touch with your internal landscape.

So, what is distress tolerance? Essentially, it's about managing stressful situations; believe me, as parents, we encounter our fair share of those!
There are two main types of distress tolerance skills that can really help us – and our kids – navigate these tricky waters. Let's break them down:

1. Crisis Survival Skills: These are your go-to tools when life gives you lemons and you feel overwhelmed. Think of techniques like self-soothing (yes, that means giving yourself a little time to relax) and distraction methods to help break the cycle of negativity. I like to think of these skills as the life jackets that keep us afloat in a crisis.

They allow us to step back and catch our breath before trying to solve whatever is brewing. By using these tools, we can realign ourselves to a place of "wise mind," where we can think more clearly about the situation.

2. Accepting Reality Skills: Sometimes, we face circumstances beyond our control, and this is where radical acceptance comes into play. Don't get this confused with just throwing in the towel or pretending everything is okay. Radical acceptance means acknowledging that the situation is what it is, even if it's not what we wanted.

For parents, this could mean accepting that their child is facing challenges that will take time and effort to navigate, whether a learning difficulty or a neurological challenge. By accepting the reality of our situation, we can reclaim our energy from fighting against it and redirect it towards truly supporting our child. Understanding and applying these distress tolerance skills can help us and teach our kids how to handle tough times when they come knocking. After all, our little
ones learn so much from watching us deal with challenges.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to check in with your own internal landscape. Are you practicing mindfulness? What crisis survival skill can you use to manage the stress? And more importantly, how can you model radical acceptance for your child?

​Remember, being a parent can be hard, but by equipping ourselves – and our children –with these valuable skills, we can face life's storms together with resilience and love. Here's to the calm after the storm!

To learn more skills and to delve deeper into distress tolerance skills, you can check out my new book at https://www.dbtparenting.info .