Monday, November 04, 2024
As a parent, I sometimes feel like a hamster spinning its wheels. I put the kids to bed, wake them up, dress them, take them to school, pick them up, play with them, feed them, bathe them, and the cycle begins again. It all feels so endless.
As bestselling author Gretchen Rubin once said, "The days are long, but the years are short." What is the secret to doing all the things while remembering what we are accomplishing and why? How do we refocus on that most essential task: raising happy, healthy human beings, even while we are busy with the endless details involved in raising children?
I have found that the key to enjoying the process of raising children is to learn to incorporate mindfulness into our exhausting days.
Here are some ideas I have found helpful:
1. Start a daily mindfulness practice.
Choose a positive or neutral experience and spend 60 seconds focusing on it. When your mind starts to act like a hamster, gently bring it back. Don't judge yourself or anyone else. Just notice what is happening, what you think, and what you feel. Add a minute every few days until you are practicing mindfulness up to fifteen minutes a day.
Now, I know that you are extremely busy. Which parent isn't? A great tip is to mindfully do something you are already doing. For example, you can mindfully wash the dishes, noticing the feel of the water on your hands, the sounds on the dishes, the smell of the soap, and even any feelings or judgments you have about the dishes.
2. Take the time to focus on what you are grateful for.
Write or list three things you are grateful for every night at bedtime. You can do this with or without your children. Focusing on what you are thankful for will transform your life. Your antennae will be alert for the happy, joyous moments throughout the day. You may even miss some of the difficult moments.
3. Let difficult moments act as a cue to be mindful.
Your two-year-old is lying on the floor kicking and screaming because you don't have more vanilla yogurt, or your twelve-year-old continues sitting on the couch reading when you ask her to set the table. You quickly check to make sure no one is in imminent physical danger. Then, you take a deep breath and focus on what is happening inside you. What are you feeling? What are you thinking? What else are you noticing?
Then, you use words to describe what is happening and how you feel about it. Once you have Observed and Described, you are ready to Participate.
Instead of mindlessly jumping in to solve the problem, you realize you have options. One way to participate is to do nothing. Another way to participate is to take a break from the child or the situation. Another way to participate is to validate and then problem-solve.
But that is a subject for another post.
Until then, happy parenting!
Devora